Mister, I’ll get that 90 for you.

“Mister, I’ll get that 90 for you. I got you.”

I was in conversation with a former student turned mentee. I asked about her grades and encouraged her to work harder to bring them up, especially in math.

“Don’t do it for me. Get that 90 for yourself,” I said assuredly.

She pushed back. “But, mister, you have to understand. I don’t really like school. I’m not going to get good grades for myself. But I will do it for someone else. It’s my motivation.”

Her reply made me uncomfortable. My goal as a teacher is to help young people be intrinsically motivated. I don’t want them to work hard for me. They should be doing it for themselves.

We chatted some more. She mentioned her parents and how she has jumped through so many hoops because of them. She doesn’t see this as a bad thing. She’s smarter and knows the value of hard work because of their high expectations. She’s grateful that they asked her to do things she wouldn’t have done on her own.

As I listened, I thought of my own kids and the expectations I have for them. My son would watch TV and eat junk food all day if he were allowed to. He isn’t always self-motivated to do the right thing (and often doesn’t know how). He does it so that I will be proud of him — or at least not disappointed. I am his chief motivator.

Our conversation lasted all of 10 minutes, but by the end, my outlook on motivation was more nuanced and complete, I think. My job as a teacher is to foster self-motivation in students, but for those who aren’t there yet, it’s alright to embrace their willingness to please me. At this stage in life, that’s what they need.

Time will tell if she earns that 90. But knowing her, I’ll bet she does. And when it happens, I’ll be proud of her improvement. I’ll also know she did it not for herself, but for me. I’ll be ok with that.

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